E101: Marny Williams-Balodis Widowed With Young Children
Let’s Be Well Together Podcast - Episode 101
Date: January 2, 2024
Participants: John Webster, Elise Seifert, Cameron Earnshaw and Sheila Webster
Guest: Marny Williams-Balodis
Start Times and Segments:
[0:00:16] What’s On Your Mind: We discuss a post by the Waterloo Region Suicide Prevention counsel, which compares “pushing” statements to “encouraging” statement. It’s in the context of encouraging loved ones who are struggling.
[0:07:54] Expanding Minds Interview: [Mental and Social Wellness] We interview Marny William-Balodis in the areas of Mental and Social Wellness. In 2002, Marny became a widowed at the age of 30. She was the only parent to two children, a 3-year-old son and a 3-month-old daughter. The death of her husband changed every aspect of her world and left her unprepared for the overwhelming journey she was embarking on. Marny was a solo parent, including to a newborn. She didn’t have that second parent there to tag-team off, like you take this kid and I’ll this one, or you get up in the middle of the night instead of me. Everything was on her shoulders when it came to parenting, driving, changing diaper. Whatever it was, I had to do it all. It was very exhausting and overwhelming. Grief was nothing like she expected it to be. She spent the days being exhausted and just sort of getting through. She was taking care of the kids first and me last. The first year of grief is kind of like going through the motions. It’s zombie-like, or a fog. The second year is about building a bit more stability. About two-and-a-half years after Keith died, there was a moment where I saw the kids are good and we’re in a bit of a stable spot and now it’s about me. That’s when I shifted the focus to what did I want? What did I want my future to look like? Marny and a friend, Beth, co-founded Hummingbird Centre for Hope. They were desperate to find that community that could relate to being a widowed parent on a different way than other people could. Hummingbird was founded on what we were missing. It’s everything they wish they had in my early grief. It’s is all about providing education and an opportunity to chat and discuss and vent about what’s happened in the past few weeks, or seeking words of wisdom from other people who might be a little further along in their journey.
[0:29:08] Adventures of the Starving Artist: It’s a challenge for musicians to get a break during holidays, because they’re often performing. Cameron enjoyed the Heart and Crown Musicians’ Christmas event.
[0:30:26] Move That Body: What is more motivating: a personal trainer or working out with a group? They both have great benefits.
[0:35:10] Running Popup: John thought back on 2023 and noticed he made many positive changes based on his approach to wellness. He’s doing new activities that foster wellness in different categories.
[0:40:47] Flipside of the Coin: We were surprised by and enjoyed the 100th Episode Special last week. We talk about why.
Quotes and Take-Aways:
Marny – When my husband died of cancer, I was a parent to a 3-year-old son and my daughter turned 3-months-old just after he died. It was a whirlwind situation. I kid now that being hormonal with a new baby and grieving at the same time really isn’t a good mix. Somehow we made it through and here we are.
Marny –I was a solo parent, including to a newborn. I didn’t have that second parent there to tag-team off, like you take this kid and I’ll this one, or you get up in the middle of the night instead of me. Everything was on my shoulders when it came to parenting, driving, changing diaper. Whatever it was, I had to do it all. It was very overwhelming and exhausting.
Marny – I was in such a fog. My brain wasn’t working with baby brain and grief brain. There wasn’t much ability to do hard tasks, yet the world was asking to do executor type tasks and to understand the terminology and things I needed to do that I never did before. It’s so overwhelming.
Marny – Grief was nothing like I expected it to be. I spent the days being exhausted and just sort of getting through. I was taking care of the kids first and me last.
Marny – I realized that tears are just a small portion of grief. I became aware very quickly that grief touches every aspect of my life, whether it came to taking care of the kids or the house or doing executor work. Walking the dog was now solely my responsibility. The grief was overwhelming and exhausting. I didn’t have a clue what I was walking into.
Marny – [When it came to taking care of herself] I certainly didn’t make the top 10 list. I didn’t have any energy to focus on myself.
Marny – There wasn’t anybody in my community, certainly in my immediate network, that was a widowed parent. All the other parents that had kids the same age as my kids had their husbands. It was almost like they were afraid to be around me, because if it happened to me then it could happen to them. That isolated me as well. I was contagious in some weird way. I obviously wasn’t, but I was a reality for them that they had no interest in being a part of. I lost friendships and those connections as a single parent. It was very isolating.
Marny – About two-and-a-half years after Keith died, there was a moment where I saw the kids are good and we’re in a bit of a stable spot and now it’s about me. That’s when I shifted the focus to what did I want? What did I want my future to look like?
Marny – The first year of grief is kind of like going through the motions. It’s zombie-like, or in a fog. The second year is about building a bit more stability.
Marny – The Hummingbird Centre for Hope is everything that I wish I had in my early grief.
Marny – When Beth and I co-founded Hummingbird Centre for Hope, we were desperate to find that community that could relate to being a widowed parent on a different way than other people could. It was founded on what we were missing.
Marny – The Hummingbird Centre for Hope is all about providing education and an opportunity to chat and discuss and vent about what’s happened in the past few weeks, or seeking words of wisdom from other people who might be a little further along in their journey.
Marny – There is great power in peer support. We’re part of a community of support – a village of support – that family needs. There’s a time and a place for professionals, but our support is peer support.
Bulletin Board Quote brought to you by Cameron: No ringing ears for this guy!
Guest Information: In 2002, Marny became a widowed at the age of 30. She was the only parent to two children, a 3 year old son and a 3 months old daughter. The death of her husband touched and change every aspect of her world and left her unprepared for the overwhelming journey she was embarking on. Through her experience Marny developed a passion for supporting those in grief. She has volunteered with many bereavement organizations and has facilitated support groups for the past 19 yrs. Her biggest accomplishment is the co-founding of The Hummingbird Centre for Hope, a non-profit organization whose mission is to build a community of support to widowed parents who are caring for their young families.
Website: Hummingbird Centre for Hope
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Thanks for joining us,
(-(-_(-_-)_-)-) Your wellness check-in team
John, Sammy, Cameron, Sheila, Elise, Isabelle, Julie and Noura.