E066 Michael Herman The Performance Paradox
Let’s Be Well Together Podcast - Episode 66
Date: May 2, 2023
Participants: John Webster, Julie Wilson, Cameron Earnshaw, Sheila Webster and Elise Seifert
Guest: Michael Herman (Interview) and Hillary Fitzgerald (Move That Body)
Start times and Segments:
[0:00:35] What’s On Your Mind: Julie and John talk about a thought-provoking social media post that says being healthy is easy, but also giving examples of many things you need to do. It’s doable, but you need a plan.
[0:09:34] Expanding Minds Interview: [Mental Wellness] Michael Herman is a leading lawyer who went through a difficult period in his life caused by mental illness. He’s a strong advocate for mental health. He saw keynote speaker Kara Hardin, Founder and CEO of The Practice Lab, at a seminar on mental health and well-being. Kara described “The Performance Paradox”. Michael chats about “strivers” in a certain context. They succeed, but can then get gripped by a sense of dread or fear wondering how they can repeat their success again. How do we break the cycle? Michael’s solution is to let go. It will be a challenge to do that. Michael also discussed the concept of enoughness.
[0:29:36] Adventures of the Starving Artist: Cameron was having a down week. He’s trying to work out of a deep hole by focusing on positive stuff going on. He’s showing up on the Ottawa music scene. For example, he was invited to work with a group doing a Bruce Springsteen tribute.
[0:33:22] Move That Body: Hillary Fitzgerald tried something new – rucking. It’s walking with a weighted backpack.
[0:37:37] Running Popup: How did feeling terrible during a workout set up a really good and upbeat day?
[0:39:41] Flipside of the Coin: A Jet Li quote: “Some talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you. Learn the difference.”
Quotes and Take-Aways:
John – I use the words complex and complicated in different ways. Complicated is, “I can’t figure this out”. An example might be how to achieve Nirvana. I don’t know, because that’s a very spiritual journey and I’m not that religion. It sounds like something I can never figure out. It’s too complicated. Complex is, “There’s a lot to do”. I can work on that. I can start developing habits. Making to do lists.
Michael – A “striver” is someone who feels safe, secure and connected only when they meet or exceed expectations. You are constantly trying to meet or exceed expectorations. That drives your behaviour.
Michael – Imagine this: you’ve been praised for doing something very well. You feel that initial sense of satisfaction or accomplishment for receiving that praise, but it’s immediately followed by a sense of dread or fear. If that seems familiar to you, then you are probably what Kara Hardin would term a “striver”. For me that praise leads almost automatically to the thought, “What do I need to do next to receive similar praise again?” A striver is never satisfied or fulfilled. Instead, there are always new internal or external expectations to meet or exceed. A striver is on this fast-moving treadmill to nowhere and doesn’t know how to get off.
Michael – The performance paradox is that those qualities that allows strivers to be very successful are the same qualities that can lead to needless stress, burnout and mental dis-ease.
Michael – Imposter syndrome is the sense that we’re a bit of a fraud or a phony. People think we know everything and we feel, “No, not really”. We suffer from believing others have expectations of us that don’t meet our internal perspectives of who and what we are.
Michael – The idea of “enoughness” is that we are all enough, intrinsically and inherently. Enoughness has nothing to do with accomplishing or achieving. It’s not even about trying to be good enough. It’s something intrinsic to all of us.
Michael – How can I ever feel enough if I’m always trying to meet or exceed expectations? Those two will be in constant conflict and friction with each other. It will make it very hard for me to feel that I am enough.
Michael – When I explored what I might do about the performance paradox for myself, it involved doing something unusual. We can shift the way we relate to ourselves a little bit. Rather than trying to replace striving with something else, perhaps I could let go the part of striving that is fueled by the need to meet or exceed expectations to feel safe, secure and connected. It’s not about replacing it, but about letting go of something.
Bulletin Board Quote brought to you by John: Sure you can come over, because I’m not doing anything important.
Guest Information: Michael Herman is a lawyer with and General Counsel to Canadian offices of international law firm Gowling WLG. As General Counsel, Michael provides legal advice to the law firm, and plays many important roles within Gowling WLG. With more than 30 years of experience, he’s is also highly regarded as a strategic adviser to a broad range of clients. For example, he advises clients on mergers and acquisitions, corporate development, corporate finance and other complex business matters. Michael spent a number of years in senior executive positions at multi-national public corporations, where he was responsible for strategic planning, strategic partnerships, corporate governance and other marketing and investor relations activities.
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Thanks for joining us,
(-_(-_-)_-)-) Your wellness check-in team
John, Sammy, Cameron, Sheila, Elise, Isabelle and Julie