E081 Stefanie Costi Being in a Toxic Workplace
Let’s Be Well Together Podcast - Episode 81
Date: August 15 2023
Participants: John Webster, Elise Seifert, Cameron Earnshaw and Sheila Webster
Guest: Stefanie Costi (Interview) and Mike Kienapple (Move That Body)
Start times and Segments:
[0:00:35] What’s On Your Mind: It’s getting hot all over the world. We talk about 14 ways to stay cooler even if you don’t have air conditioning. They discuss an article by Kristen Rogers (CNN) called “In extreme heat, here are 14 ways to keep your body and home cool without AC”
[0:11:36] Expanding Minds Interview: [Mental Wellness] Stefanie began her job as a lawyer with excitement and high hopes. She soon found herself withdrawing into herself and experiencing imposter syndrome and PTSD, because of a toxic work environment. She had been belittled and bullied. This is the first of a two-part episode. In this first, I’ll ask Stefanie to tell us what a toxic workplace felt like from her experience.
[0:27:25] Adventures of the Starving Artist: Cameron noticed something interesting about the Oppenheimer movie score. He sees things us non-musicians don’t.
[0:31:08] Move That Body: Mike Kienapple tells us how he started into CrossFit 9 years ago, and how much he enjoys it.
[0:36:45] Running Popup: Seeing plays at Stratford, Ontario has an unexpected effect on John. It opens doors of creativity in his mind.
[0:38:34] Flipside of the Coin: We were hoping for more listener interaction when we launched the podcast. Maybe someday (fingers crossed).
Quotes and Take-Aways:
Stefanie – I was working as a paralegal. I was the golden child of the office. My boss loved me. Then I got admitted as a lawyer. They proceeded to make my life a living hell.
Stefanie – When I started as a new lawyer, my supervisor wanted me to know what a 3-year lawyer knew. She didn’t feel like she needed to mentor me. She thought I should know it.
Stefanie – My supervisor delegated my first job as a lawyer to me. It was a task I had never done before. I asked her for guidance and mentoring. She said, “I never got that back in my day. Why should I give it to you?” I thought maybe that’s just how it is. I undertook the task to the bet of my ability. I submitted it. The lawyer called me and asked me to come to her office. She said with the door open, so that everyone in the office could hear, “On what planet do you think this is acceptable work to submit to me?” There was public humiliation. I was taken aback. It eroded some of my confidence, which wasn’t that high as a new lawyer to begin with. I could name countless more scenarios like that one.
Stefanie – One thing I would say to anyone listening to this podcast, I’ve heard, witnessed or experienced bullying in our profession. Everyone has. You are not alone. Regardless whether you feel you’re not bringing anything to the table, you are. Regardless whether a workplace celebrates that or not.
Stefanie – When you’re in it and your confidence is being eroded every day, even after every belittling email you receive, and every bit of undermining that happens, remember that you are worthy. Your judgment may be clouded by being excluded or facing mind games or silent tactics, but you are worthy of being a lawyer. You deserve it. It’s the workplace that’s the problem. When you find your people, you’ll flourish.
Stefanie – I felt my body just shut down one day, after my bulling experience. I had a tight pain across my stomach. I dreaded work. I had anxiety after never struggling with anxiety before. I felt like I had a constant fog in my brain. I couldn’t think clearly. It got to a point where I had to say enough is enough. I did not have a job lined up. I gave my notice and said I had to leave that day.
Stefanie – They don’t teach anything about workplace bullying in law school. They don’t teach about office politics or toxic workplace cultures. I believe that they should. I would have been better equipped to deal with people who inflict that type of behaviour if I had been taught about these things. I feel like I was blindsided.
Stefanie – Law is an amazing profession if you find a place that celebrates you and what you have to offer.
Bulletin Board Quote brought to you by Sheila: Tell John I was right and he was wrong.
Guest Information: Stefanie Costi is a practicing commercial law lawyer in Australia. She is an advocate for student lawyers and graduates. Deep down, her passion is empowering people involved in toxic workplace to speak up. She also educates organizations on the lasting impact of harbouring bullies in their ranks.
Stefanie’s LinkedIn Page: Here
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Thanks for joining us,
(-(-_(-_-)_-)-) Your wellness check-in team
John, Sammy, Cameron, Sheila, Elise, Isabelle and Julie