E085 Jodi Skeates Widowed Too Soon
Let’s Be Well Together Podcast - Episode 85
Date: September 12, 2023
Participants: John Webster, Elise Seifert, Cameron Earnshaw and Sheila Webster
Guest: Jodi Skeates
Start Times and Segments:
[0:00:35] What’s On Your Mind: Article: “People who live longest share these 2 traits, say authors who studied Japanese ‘secret’ for ‘a long and happy life’”, by Renée Onque (June 3 2023). The two traits are (1) a positive attitude; and (2); a high degree of emotional awareness.
[0:11:24] Expanding Minds Interview: [Mental Wellness] We interview Jodi Skeates in the area of Mental Wellness. Jodi’s outlook changed in an instant in 2017. Her husband Scott was enjoying a hobby he loved - scuba diving. He suffered an anoxic brain injury from which he did not recover. It’s the first of two interviews. This first explores what happened. They were in a remote area, with Jodi far from the incident. It took nine hours to reach Scott’s bedside, by which time he was in a coma. He never woke up. Jodi faced a number of decisions, while being confronted with traumatic events. She introduces us to Soaring Spirits Canada and Camp Widow Toronto. We’ll talk more about them next week.
[0:34:18] Adventures of the Starving Artist: The artist becomes a tourist in his own city, when Cameron hosts out of town guests.
[0:38:36] Move That Body: What is “diet culture” and why is it harmful? We found an article with helpful insights: “You can kick diet culture out of your diet, experts say. Here's where to start”. By Madeline Holcombe, CNN (March 21, 2022).
[0:43:13] Running Popup: What is “diet culture” and why is it harmful? We found an article with helpful insights.
[0:44:41] Flipside of the Coin: A great quote by Carl Jung: “Know all the theories. Master all the techniques, but as you touch a human soul just be another human soul.”
Quotes and Take-Aways:
Jodi – I went back to the Inn, to wait for the police to pick me up, because Scott had the vehicle 45 minutes away. As I waited there, I had this knowing deep in my bones that he was not going to live. I had accepted that from the outset. I knew I needed to do a lot there would be a lot. I sat very quietly outside the Inn and I did some yoga breathing. I did mental energy and physical energy centering. I just breathed and told myself that the biggest challenge of my life was ahead of me, and I needed to have all my senses available to me.
Jodi – The damage to his brain had been done. There wasn’t much of a chance to help him recover. The stats started changing from 50/50 to 20/80. Then I heard the stat 20% chance of survival, with Zero percent chance of meaningful life. I was asked to make a decision about terminating life support and donating his organs.
Jodi – It got even more complicated. There is a recipient with organ donation. That recipient gets a call and needs to put their life in order, because all of the sudden they are about to receive a much-wanted organ. At a drop of the hat, they need to be available to have surgery that will affect their life through a lengthy recovery.
Jodi – It took 9 days before Scott passed away after the date of his accident. Those were the most traumatic days of my life.
Jodi – I was 47-years-old. I wasn’t supposed to be a widow. I needed a community. I needed to talk to other widowed people. I reached out to everyone I knew who lost their life partner. Talking to those people reassured me that I would get through this period of grief.
Jodi – I went back to the Inn where I heard the news, five years later. I had never been back to that space. I felt I needed some closure. I went back to the room I had been in. I had a weird existential moment where I went back in time. I thought about who I was at that moment just before there was a knock on the door, and how I had changed or failed to change since that time. I had stopped breathing. I was just hanging on tight to try to get through.
Jodi – I later realized that I experienced trauma. It wasn’t so much Scott dying that was traumatic. It was that trauma that happened to me. He slipped away gently after 5 breaths. I’d been holding onto my breath for 5 years and throwing myself into work. I had all the hallmark symptoms of PTSD, but all I was doing was working. I was looking to work to save me, but it wasn’t saving me.
Jodi – I realized 5 years later that I wasn’t living my own life anymore. I was just living in grief of the life that I had lost after Scott died. I needed to make changes, because I needed to start taking care of myself.
Bulletin Board Quote brought to you by John: I think I can trust people?
Guest Information: Over her career, Jodi has provided legal support to the life and health insurance industry. She has served as in-house Senior Counsel for several Canadian financial institutions as well as the Canadian Life and Health Insurance Association. As a government lobbyist, she’s represented the industry on timely issues such as privacy, genetic testing, medical assistance in dying, gender identity and expression discrimination. Jodi retired from full-time in-house legal practice earlier this year and is now working part time as a litigator with Fasken, a large Canadian law firm with offices across the country and affiliations with firms around the world. She lives in Burlington, Ontario. Jodi is a founding Director and Chair of the Board of Directors of Soaring Spirits Canada and serves as Secretary to the Board of Director of the Niagara Grape and Wine Festival.
Links to further information:
Soaring Spirits Canada
Camp Widow Toronto
Soaring Spirits International Regional Social Groups
Soaring Spirits International Men’s Community Specific Group
Soaring Spirits International LGBTQ+ Community Specific Group
Soaring Spirits International Widowed & Black Community Specific Group
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Thanks for joining us,
(-(-_(-_-)_-)-) Your wellness check-in team
John, Sammy, Cameron, Sheila, Elise, Isabelle and Julie